Have my ideas become outdated and too strict?

Last Sunday was meant to be like any other day at church—calm, reflective, and full of reverence. But as the service began, my attention was immediately drawn to something I couldn’t ignore: a woman in the front pew with bright pink hair. It genuinely caught me off guard. We live in a time where self-expression is widely celebrated, but seeing such a bold display in a sacred space like church felt a little out of place. To me, church has always represented modesty and respect, not a place for making fashion statements.

I tried to focus on the sermon, but the vibrant color of her hair kept pulling me back. It wasn’t a soft or subtle pink; it was a loud, neon shade that demanded attention. Growing up, church attire was always simple, muted, and respectful—things like modest clothing and neutral colors were the norm. Seeing this bold hair color made me question whether I was just stuck in an old mindset. Does such a bright, unconventional choice really cross a line when it comes to showing respect in a house of worship?

After the service, I saw the woman standing outside, chatting with other attendees. For a moment, I hesitated. Should I just let it go? But curiosity—and concern—won me over. I approached her, intending to be as polite as possible.

“Excuse me,” I began, carefully choosing my words, “I noticed your hair. I just wanted to mention that bright colors like that might not be appropriate for church.”

Her eyes widened slightly at my comment. I expected maybe an explanation, or at least an acknowledgment. Instead, her response was far from what I imagined.

“Well, I don’t think it’s any of your business,” she replied bluntly, a slight smile that felt more biting than friendly. “I come to church to pray, not to be judged for how I look.”

Her directness stunned me. I hadn’t intended to judge her, just to express what I believed was an important matter of respect for the church. But now I felt conflicted—had I overstepped by saying anything?

This moment has been on my mind since then. I’ve always believed there are certain standards for how we present ourselves, especially in a sacred space. To me, it’s not about suppressing individuality. I fully support people expressing themselves. But when it comes to a church, I believe there’s value in honoring the space with respect, humility, and simplicity. Church, in my view, isn’t a place for anything too flashy or attention-grabbing—it’s a place to come together in faith, where the focus should be on our beliefs, not appearances.

Now, I find myself questioning whether I was wrong. Maybe my views are a bit outdated, and what I see as appropriate no longer matches the changing times. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that some traditions are worth upholding, that certain spaces deserve a special kind of reverence. Shouldn’t places like churches be different from our everyday environments? Isn’t it fair to expect people to present themselves in a way that doesn’t draw unnecessary attention?

I recognize that times have changed. Respectful attire isn’t what it used to be. Self-expression, through how we dress or style our hair, is more accepted now than ever. And honestly, I’m not against that. People should feel free to express themselves. But I wonder, is there a line we’re starting to blur? Are there still places where modesty should be a priority?

Reflecting on that day, I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all. My intent wasn’t to offend, but maybe it wasn’t my place to comment on someone else’s appearance. Perhaps she was right—her reasons for being at church were valid, and how she looked really wasn’t anyone’s concern but her own.

I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on this. Am I alone in thinking that certain standards should still apply in a place of worship? Have others felt this same conflict, or is it something I need to come to terms with myself? Maybe it’s time to adjust my perspective and accept that even in church, self-expression is part of the cultural shift we’re all experiencing.

Was I out of line for saying something? Is there still a place for standards when it comes to showing respect in church, or should we embrace this era of unrestricted self-expression in all areas of life, even sacred spaces? I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts—maybe your perspective will help me understand this better.